Having a baby will change you, it’d be ridiculous not to think that it wouldn’t change you a little bit. But what I’ve realised since giving birth to my tiny human is that, not only have I changed but I have actually changed a lot! This change is actually really surprising to me, I was blasé about motherhood during my pregnancy but as soon as it happened ... BAM!! It hit me like a ton of bricks! Like all those Ryan Reynolds comments about parenthood and how he would use his wife as a human shield... comical absolutely but man does it resonate now. Before I became a mama, his comments and the hundreds of others out there were just comedic sentiments to me. But now; betcha-by-golly-wow would I sell my husbands soul and chew off his arm to fend off the zombies (hopefully it will never come to that, don’t really like the sight of blood see) but my view of the world has changed so much that I would destroy anyone or anything that took aim at my creation.
Another way I have changed (this was probably for the better, the former makes me sound demented but I like to think of it as mothers protective instinct!) is that I have become a much more emotional person. For the past 32 years I have not been one with the feelings. Typically British, My feelings were not for the public arena. Now however, I get the feels about everything. Anything about children or the elderly has me welling up. Maybe it’s still the hormones but it’s three months down the line so I’m guessing my tiny human has probably made me more human in the process.
I was never an overly maternal being grown up, In fact I was quite selfish during my 20s, and ones 20s is perfect for all that! But now I have a daughter, I am obsessed with her. I miss her when I take a shower and when she’s having time with her daddy on the sofa opposite. I am crazy, I constantly check her whilst she sleeps, which accounts for the huge bags under my eyes. I obsess about her temperature, her digestive rate (checking she is producing enough nappies you know what I mean!) I mean I’m a lunatic. I know this but maybe that is the first time mums lot- to be a lunatic - right???
I am already so over protective of her, I don’t want people I’m not keen on to hold her for too long and weird things like that - told you, lunatic!! But I figure I made that tiny human, every cell in that body I made for nine months, so if I’m a loon, then a loon I’ll be.
One this that has happened, probably the most profound thing, is that I have so much more respect for my mother. I mean I obviously respected her before but being a mother, pregnancy and labour - I get it now. I now fully understand every decision she made, every time she said no, every telling off I had and every sacrifice. And she did it three times!!! I was always a daddy’s girl growing up but now all I want is to buy the house next door to my parents to be near my mum... I hope one day my daughter will feel like that about me... but at the moment she is heading straight for the daddy’s girl route!!