Things I may have said during labour....*

*....things I ACTUALLY said during labour!! 

I was very lucky with my labour apparently, I say apparently, because it was my first labour and I didn’t have a frame of reference. But my midwife and health visitor (not to mention the other midwives on the ward) all said to me they were amazed at how quick it was, especially as a first time mama.  

However, long and short your labour is, every woman has a million things running through her mind both between and during contractions. I was too late for anything other than gas and air, so I puffed on that like no tomorrow. However, for as much as it helped, somewhat, I became as high as a kite! And during my pain filled moments some ‘brilliant’ - according to my husband - one liners left my mouth!  

 

I can’t do this - standard phrase uttered numerous times. 

Make it stop - again standard but never going to happen.

I’m not ready for this - fear finally showing though

Nope stop I’ve had enough - again standard but no more likely to happen

I’m not doing this anymore - I wasn’t overly sure who would have done it but alas...

Give me all the drugs - yep I said this a lot 

You did this - directed at the husband with murderous eyes

Stop saying that - to my husband’d encouraging remarks

I’m not doing this again - said once my legs were put into the stirrups 

If you keep holding the gas and air too far away,I will cut you - my midwife was in hysterics at this but I honestly can’t remember saying it. My husband filled me in on this later on, on the ward

I wish you were a seahorse - some insane reference to the fact that male seahorses carry the babies, swiftly followed by, I hate seahorses. I couldn’t remember this either but I guess that is the perk of gas and air! 

Is it too late for an epidural / c-section - said in between most contractions

 

So there you have it, a run down of the mental things I came out with during labour. What were your best one-liners??